You have the bladder capacity of five people
You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm
Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change
You call for a CCH on anyone that is friendly toward you
You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal
You can identify a negative "tattoo to tooth" ratio just by looking at a person
You find humor in other people's stupidity
You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac
You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see
You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance
You believe that a "shallow gene pool" should be grounds for an arrest
You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, it sure is quiet around here"
You refer to your nightstick or flashlight as your "Dork Slayer"
You believe that chocolate is a food group
You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick
You have wanted to hold a seminar on "Suicide, getting it right the first time"
You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid jury verdict
You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably
You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar
You believe the dispatcher is possessed
You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form
You're not referring to food when you mention vegetables
You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium saltlick
You have heard: "I have no idea how that got there," on more than a few occasions
You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone
You correlate "two beers" with 0.15 BAC
You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car
You believe that it is a "good" death only if it involves overtime

-Author Unknown