When the Lord was creating peace officers, he was into his sixth day
of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of
fiddling around on this one."
And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on this order? A peace
officer has to be able to run five miles through alleys in the dark,
scale walls, enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch, and
not wrinkle his uniform.
"He has to be able to sit in an undercover car all day on a
stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night, canvass the
neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court the next day.
"He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on
black coffee and half-eaten meals. And he has to have six pairs of
hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... no
way."
"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord,
"It's the three pairs of eyes an officer has to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket
before he asks, "May I see what's in there, sir?" (When he already
knows and wishes he'd taken that accounting job.) "Another pair here
in the side of his head for his partners' safety. And another pair
of eyes here in front that can look reassuringly at a bleeding
victim and say, 'You'll be all right ma'am, when he knows it isn't
so."
"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work on this
tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can talk a
250 pound drunk into a patrol car without incident and feed a family
of five on a civil service paycheck."
The angel circled the model of the peace officer very slowly, "Can
it think?" she asked.
"You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the elements of a hundred
crimes; recite Miranda warnings in its sleep; detain, investigate,
search, and arrest a gang member on the street in less time than it
takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the stop... and
still it keeps its sense of humor. This officer also has phenomenal
personal control. He can deal with crime scenes painted in hell,
coax a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim's
family, and then read in the daily paper how law enforcement isn't
sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects."
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of
the peace officer. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told you
that you were trying to put too much into this model."
"That's not a leak," said the lord, "it's a tear."
"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.
"It's for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment
to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for justice."
"You're a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there," he said.